March 26, 2009
Hey Guys,
Out of all the villains in the Great Hollywood Pantheon, none boils the blood quite so hotly as the greedy real-estate developer; the man who coldly stokes his own bank account while hiding behind a set of laws that ennoble humanity’s worst impulses. To my dismay, one such scoundrel has struck this neighbourhood.
When I arrived at work this past Friday, the coffee shop next door was closed, it’s windows papered over beneath a sign which read “sushi coming soon”. It was a searing, mind-numbing shock, worse even than when I first heard Judge Doom’s dark plan to tear down Toontown to make room for a freeway in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? It happened without warning and I don’t know whether I’ll ever see my café princess again. I never had the chance to ask her out. (Well, I had the chance but I hadn’t managed to work up the courage.)
In my distress, my first reaction was to seek solace in Titanic again, but as I was implanting the DVD player with the sweet kernel of imagination, I fell to peaceful contemplation. No doubt other movie princesses will be cast in the great screenplay of life, and notwithstanding the piggishness of certain landlords, this neighbourhood is a great place to live. As this store is a cornerstone of the community, I would like to explain one of the essential services we provide: making recommendations.
It’s almost like a doctor prescribing the correct medicine; diagnosing a customer’s personality and mood, then prescribing a suitable movie. But it requires a sensitive intuition. Unlike the intellectual challenges I faced in my scholarly life, it’s more of an art than a science. But in other ways it is an academic exercise – sifting through the sands of film history, asking the right questions and learning how to interpret the answers.
It’s rewarding to know that I can make a difference in customers’ lives, but making the perfect call is no simple matter. I’ve been asked to recommend movies for entire families, like the time a customer asked me for a film that he and his wife would enjoy, that wouldn’t bore either his nine-year-old son or preteen daughter and that wasn’t too shocking for his octogenarian parents. Films with that kind of multi-demographic appeal are rare, so whenever that happens I fall back on 80‘s feel-good classics like Back to the Future, E.T. or The Breakfast Club. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off has proven to be a real winner. The trouble is that most people have seen those.
The other day I gave a triumphant recommendation to a brand new customer who asked for a good gangster flick. Trying to win his heart and his business, I pursued his movie-match with gusto, probing deep into his psyche. Eventually, he told me that he was a huge fan of Robert De Niro, so I told him to check out Taxi Driver, a classic he’d somehow never heard about.
“Really!? I am taxi driver!” he exclaimed, snatching the movie. When he returned it, he said that he loved the way Travis Bickle stood up for society’s downtrodden. I just hope it doesn’t give him too many ideas.
Recently, loyal customer Kenneth de Salaberry, a wine critic with flowery shirts and a crop of precisely brushed gray hair, came in with a classic case of renter’s block. He meandered through the romantic comedies and into the classics but none of the films suited his disposition. Finally, he approached the counter carrying the fruit of his browsing: The Big Lebowski.
This was the moment I’d been waiting for. I sang its praises and guaranteed he would love it. When he returned it a few days later I eagerly asked what he thought and was disillusioned by the negativity of his answer. He decided to take Guys and Dolls that night, a movie that makes me want to vomit. (I find nausea a common symptom of watching musicals, except for Fiddler).
Other people are easy. They’ll ask me what’s good and I’ll name the newest action movie. It’s not what I would choose, but at least they leave happy.
With experience, I’ve come to understand the rhythms of the shoppers and people’s rental habit. The post-dinner digestion period brings in an older crowd and it’s the time when I recommend the most Oscar winners. Last Tuesday evening, while watching Cool Runnings (another guaranteed-to-bring-a-smile family-feel-good classic that was robbed by the Academy of even a measly nomination), in walked Joey di Spliffano, wearing worn out flannel and greasy jeans. Tired after a long day manning the barnacle scraper down at the docks, he took a few steps in, looked up at the TV and froze. He seemed oblivious to the other customers who had to sidestep his significant bulk.
“This was on CBC last Sunday,” he announced. A customer wearing a jean jacket and what I strongly suspect was a toupee, approached the cash holding four DVDs. He couldn’t resist the chance to spread a few facts on the subject.
“You know, they cut some of the scenes for the TV version to fit in more commercials in the two hours scheduled. I used to work at CFCF 12. We really used to butcher some classics.”
“Really?” asked Joey, “I’m gonna take it then. I’ve seen it a bunch of times but only on CBC. This’ll really get the old lady going.” No one was going to miss watching this one, so I ejected the warm plastic, snapped it snugly it in its case and handed it to Joey. I quickly slipped in Mrs. Doubtfire to keep the laughter flowing.
Though our tastes may differ, movies, through the recommendation process, spark unsettleable discussions that bring people together. No one’s feelings are ever hurt, just like in arguments over sports, weather or where to find the best bagels in town.
…
I finally watched My Cousin Vinny the other day. It was very funny, even though it threw out every cheap gag there is about New Yorkers AND Southerners in a corny Rhinestone-esque manner. Marissa Tomei stole the show – her accent, her clothes, her walk and her chemistry with Joe Pesci. That scene where she is testifying in front of the judge and she shows off her knowledge about cars is priceless. Tonight I’ll keep going with the Southern vibe and watch Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, a sizzling murder mystery that takes place in Savannah, Georgia with Kevin Spacey and John Cusack. Clint Eastwood directs and it looks hot and steamy. Hopefully it will help me forget about the forlorn hope of ever seeing my café princess again. We’ll talk next time.
Comments:
Forrestgumpalot: Reading about the south is making me hungry. I’m talkin bout shrimp, popeyes, collard greens, pork knuckle gumbo, everything bbq-ed and deep fried. Yum!
averagejoe66: Hey Vic, I love your recommendations. Come to my kids birthday party this weekend, they talk about you all the time. My eight-year-old even drew a picture of you standing behind the counter with a bowl of candy.
videostorevic: Sure, I’ll see you there.
jenkins: Any recommendations for me?
videostorevic: There’ve been some really great remakes and sequels lately, come in and have a look.
SonofEbert: That’s all you have to offer? Remakes? After you wasted our time waxing philosophical about your recommendation abilities?
always_right_princess: Vic, I have to admit you’re recommendations are pretty good. I’d say somewhere around 6.5/10. You were right about No Country for Old Men, it was overrated.
videostorevic: That means a lot coming from someone with such high standards.
Spliffany: Joey’s my brother. I can’t believe he rented cool runnings again. I know we di spiffanos are known for our poor short-term memory, but c’mon, we watched it so many times.
videostorevic: That’s an interesting name.
Spliffany: My great-grandparents were Calabrian herbalists. They came over during the great Yukon gold rush to supply the prospectors with a different kind of nugget.
mulletar: wow spiffny what a story. i like all kindsa nuggets, gold, chciken, denver… we have soooo much in common
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The Man Who Came to Rent 